Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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