PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
