Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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