Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
