so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize