That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
