Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my shit smells like andre
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
