Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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