I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
