I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So vagazzling was a success
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
