What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
