Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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