I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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