Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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