i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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