it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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