I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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