after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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