Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
