Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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