Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
