dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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