Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he thought i was a dude.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
