i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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