OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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