Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
