did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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