Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
