it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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