Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize