yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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