we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
