I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
