Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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