The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
