i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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