How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
