My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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