Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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