Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
