i just had sex bonerless
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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