Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
