Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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