Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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