i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
