do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
