i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
