Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
