She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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