I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
