Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
