Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
