don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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