i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
