you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
