I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
