She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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