She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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