It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize